Responding to feedback

It was 11 o'clock, James' granny was going to pick us up. I knew this was going to be the perfect day.

Waiting inside I noticed she had pulled up outside, now she was busy arranging the seats in her car.

It was time to go.

As we drove up James was standing in the driveway. He started walking down to meet us. I jumped out of the car and everyone said. "Hello."

We put our bags down and went to check out the sleep out. The sleep out was like a second house. It had a toilet, bath - a spa bath, a kitchen, living and sleeping spaces.

It was time to go to the skate park. James had the scooter. When we arrived at the skate park i grabbed the scooter and balanced on the rim.  I was thinking about  what  trick I should do. As I went down the ramp I thought about a 180. I could feel the wind rushing past me as I went down the half pipe and up the skid ramp over again. I even pulled a 180 on the way up. It's a trick I had learnt and it was amazing. When we had finished at the skate park we went to the river.

At the river we walked through it to the other side. It was FREEZING. On the other side we climbed up a waterfall. A man arrived with a dog that would not stop barking. It was annoying so we finally went back.

This was the perfect day.

Scarf

Boat ride

The Perfect Day

I am learning to make my writing more interesting for the reader. I know I will be able to do this when I add more detail, interesting words and include what I see, hear, smell and feel. 


It was 11 o'clock, James' granny was going to pick us up. I knew this was going to be the perfect day. 
Waiting inside I noticed she had pulled up outside, now she was busy arranging the seats in her car. 
It was time to go.


As we drove up James was standing in the driveway. He started walking down to meet us. I jumped out of the car and everyone said. "Hello." 
We put our bags down and went to check out the sleep out. The sleep out was like a second house. It had a toilet, bath - a spa bath,a kitchen, living and sleeping spaces.

It was time to go to the skate park. James had the scooter. When we arrived at the skate park I went down the half pipe and up the skid ramp over again. I even pulled a 180 up it. It's a trick and it was amazing. When we had finished at the skate park we went to the river.

At the river we walked through it to the other side. It was FREEZING but we got there and climbed up a waterfall. A man arrived with a dog that would not stop barking. It was annoying so we finally went back.

This was the perfect day.